Losing Control
by 2shy the Shippy
Summary: My take on the events of what lead up to the bedroom scene in 'All Things'. MSR Mulder and Scully Rumbleimplied


"_Dana, you should've seen this coming all along." Her husband said in a sad tone. Or more like pitying tone._

"_But, Daniel, we've been through so much." Dana tried to reason._

"_That's why I have to leave." He was quiet for a moment. "Maybe you should've left years ago when you wanted to."_

"_I tried to." Tears silently made their way down Dana's face._

"_Yeah, and stopped you. If I knew what I knew now we wouldn't be getting divorced right now."_

"_If only." Dana said as she watched her ex-husband Daniel Waterston walked off with another younger woman. "If only."_

A loud crashing sound awoke Scully from her sleep. She began to realize her surroundings and realized that she was on Mulder's couch and had a quilt wrapped over her. A small smile made it's way across her face as she thought how considerate Mulder was. Scully couldn't and didn't want to go back to sleep. One because of the dream she had and two because she wasn't sleepy anymore. Also, it was this distinctive smell that had grown to love brewing in the kitchen. So instead, Scully got up and went into the kitchen where Mulder was.

"Hey, Mulder." Scully said softly.

"Oh, sorry did I wake you?" Mulder asked as he searched through his refrigerator for something.

"Yes, and thankfully." Scully reached into the refrigerator and found the cream she knew that he was looking for, and then pulled some sugar out of the cabinet.

"How is it that you know where things are and you don't even live here?" Mulder ask while a smile played on his lips. "I think I should fire the maid." Scully rolled her eyes.

"Mulder, I know where everything is because I bother to look for things, unlike you. So much for photographic memory, huh? And as for the maid, you should've fire her years ago." She pulled out two cups and began to pour coffee into the cups. She fixed Mulder's coffee how she knew he liked it. And then moved on onto her on cup. They both leaned on the sink counter.

"What did you dream about?" Mulder asked. At first, Scully was going to say that it was nothing, until she realized this was Mulder. He was her best friend and closest friend at that. She has kept so much away from him the past eight years, and then when Daniel comes along she can't wait to tell him everything. She wouldn't have told him about Daniel if he hadn't shaken her world so much. But, he did. And not only that, but she has also some kind of spiritual journey. The both of them tied in together and shook the foundation that Scully stood on. So, Scully felt it was best to tell Mulder. She may have kept secrets in the past, but there was always something she could lean on. Like her science and faith was there for her, but no such luck this time. She could now only depend on the man she called her friend.

"It was about Daniel. I dreamed that I stayed and he left me for some other woman in the end." Scully said as she looked into her coffee cup. "Mulder, I don't know whether you know this or not, but I've always been very insecure of myself."

"Scully…"

"No, Mulder let me finish." Scully said in a demanding tone. "I've been surrounded by beautiful women my whole entire life. At first, it was Missy, then it was my college roommate, and now it's women at the FBI." Scully shook her head. "I always thought that I wasn't tall enough or my hair wasn't the right color or my body…it's silly now."

"Scully you are perfect just the way you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." Mulder said as he looked into her eyes.

"Daniel made me feel, well I told you how Daniel made me feel." Scully laughed and sipped her coffee. "I now know that all of that is silly. Just because one person dislikes all your flaws while another person loves the imperfections. This person thinks that they are perfect." Scully looked at him as she said perfect in a slow and quiet tone.

Scully took Mulder and her own cup, and then sat them down on the counter. She embraced him into a hug as soon as she sat the cup down.

"Mulder, I have been emotionally worn out. That's why I have kept to myself when it came to relationships. That's why it didn't work out with Daniel, Jack, or Ethan. I was so tired of trying to be something I wasn't, perfect." Scully tears slowly made their way down her face as she spoke these words. " I was always pretending and making them happy, despite my own unhappiness. But, it's different with you. You like for who I am. We may not agree for time to time, but you accept me for who I am. " Scully embraced Mulder tighter into the hug.

"Scully, I don't like you." Mulder said quietly.

"What?" Scully said in shocked as she began to walk away, but Mulder grabbed her softly.

"I don't like you because I'm in love with you." Mulder said, and then kissed Scully on the forehead. Why had he just developed the courage to say it after eight years? It was maybe because she was hurting and needed to know the truth. Or because his time was becoming limited as seconds passed. He couldn't waste anytime like he did in the past. Not only was he getting older, but also death was becoming nearer. "I can't like someone I love."

"Oh, Mulder." More tears made their way down her face and Scully didn't bother to wipe them away. He was in love with her. Scully knew this all along, but to hear the words without he being drugged in a life or death situation meant a lot. She knew he felt this way for along time, but didn't want to admit it. Losing Mulder would most definitely devastate her, especially if there was romance involved. She would rather have his friendship than not have him at all. And she knew that once she was with him she could never go back.

Mulder pulled Scully close to him and wrapped his arms around her. "Scully…we've been doing this little dance for years, why can't we take a break?"

"Because we're afraid." Scully said slowly, and then she leaned her head on Mulder's shoulder. "There is so much to lose if we allow ourselves to love one another."

Mulder pulled her closer. "So, we can never be happy?" His eyes were brimming with tears. "I refused to believe that."

"I do, too." Scully whispered.

"Do you love me, Scully?" He asked as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Yes…"

"No, are you in love with me?"

Scully didn't say anything. She bit her lip to hold back the tears, but they refused to be held back. "I want to. I really do, but I can't. I don't want to be hurt again. I know you won't hurt me, but if I ever lose you…" She shook her head as she sniffed.

Mulder took Scully's face in his hands and look at her, and then wiped her face. "That doesn't answer my question, Scully. Are you in love with me? Yes or no. No, maybes or I guesses." He said softly.

Scully shook her head yes.

"That's not good enough." Mulder said as he looked into eyes.

"Mulder…"

"Scully, I need to know. I know that this is hard for you, but this is a million times harder for me. You will understand that when that time comes. I can't tell you now, but when I do, you will understand." Mulder's eyes pleaded with her and his soft tone seduced her into telling him.

"I've been in love with you since before I could remember." Scully looked down at her hands. "You don't know how many hours I've spent trying to find out when it happened. I think it was maybe the second or third year of our partnership. But, I can't pinpoint the exact moment. I realized it years later, but there was and still so much at stake that it complicate out relationship. Then I thought about what if we were together. When we go on a case would we give each other a kiss before capturing the bad guys?" Scully smiled and shook her head. "We would be so busy trying to save each other asses or we wouldn't able to do our jobs right because we are worrying about one another. Then they might try to split us up or something, who knows." She shrugged and looked at Mulder.

"Great minds think alike, Scully." He smiled at her and shook his head. "You know, I went through the same thing wondering what if. Then I thought about what I know about you. I can't explain it, but you you, you are Scully." He stammered, and then laughed. "The last thing you are is unprofessional. Sometimes, personal feelings may get in the way of your judgment, but whom hasn't it happened to. And when don't we try to save each other asses, worry about one another, and are always about to be split up or something."

"I don't want to lose you." Scully admitted. "Not just as a partner, but as a friend. You are my everything, Mulder, and if I lose that… if I lose you…I don't know." She shook her head in frustration.

Mulder stood in front of Scully and looked her in the eyes. What he saw surprised him. He's searched for the truth for years and never did it occur to him that it was standing in front of him. He brushed his fingers across her lips, and then caressed her face. Mulder was in a trance and Scully's beauty was the reason for it. She was beautiful because of the truth she told and how she felt. Scully wasn't afraid or embarrassed by her love for him, but afraid because he might have not felt it back. She was afraid that she might lose him and she wouldn't be able to handle that if she did. Scully has had her heart broken so many times that one more would just destroy her belief in love.

"Scully, I love you and I will never leave. If I leave in body my presence will always be with you. Whether I live or die I will always be here with you." He put his and over her heart. Silence washed over the room and both of the agents were hurting. But, Mulder didn't want to hurt anymore. He wanted to take the hurt, pain, and fear away. So, he kissed her. Scully was about to resist at first, but there was nothing to hide. Everything was said and exposed.

They stopped kissing, but their lips still touched. Both of them knew what was going to happen next. It was inevitable, so there was no way in trying to hide from it. Scully let Mulder lead them to his bedroom and they lay down on the bed. Mulder put one hand on her hip and the other beside her head then began to kiss her neck. Scully slightly pushed him away after awhile, and then turned her head.

"Mulder, you know how about feel about you. I couldn't have meaningless sex with you." She closed her eyes and let out a breath that she was holding.

"Scully, you love me, right?" Mulder asked as he turned Scully's face towards his, so he could look her in the eyes.

"Yes, you know that…I already told you that." Scully said as she propped herself on her elbows.

"Do you trust me?" Mulder asked.

"Of course, you shouldn't even have to ask that!" Scully exclaimed.

"Then trust me with your body and heart. You are in love with me and I am in love with you. I would never hurt you intentionally and you know this. I want to express my love to you the way words can't. Our relationship could never be ruined by some meaningless sex because we mean too much to each other. Scully, all I ask is for one night. No attachments. Let me make love to you and I won't ask of anything more." He gave her light kisses on the lips, and then rested his forehead on hers. She knew he would stop if she asked him to.

Scully closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Mulder."

"Please." Mulder looked into Scully's eyes and it looked as if he needed this. Not wanted, but needed. "Let me make love to you, Scully. I want to know what it's like to really feel you. Not just physically, but mentally. Please…let me make love to you."

Scully had a million reasons why they shouldn't and Mulder had a million reasons why they should. She didn't want to deny herself to Mulder and vice-versa, but so much has happened throughout the years. But, she couldn't use that excuse anymore. All that has happened should have taught her to appreciate what was in front of her face now. She have lost and experienced so much. Mulder knew and understood most if not all of these things. How come she wasn't open with him in the past? It was because she was scared, but why? She was scared that he would leave or wouldn't feel the same, but Mulder assured her otherwise. Also, Scully knew that if she gave herself to him she would lose control. She never loses control. Then when she did lose control she wouldn't be able to get it back.

"Then do it."

THE END

A/N: Just my take on the 'All Things' situation. It's kind of a slight spoiler for 'Within/Without' and 'Pilot' episode; well the deleted scene if some of you caught it. I would like to know what you think, so feedback would be appreciated. Also, I know some people think that Scully wouldn't have done what she did, but remember the other things that Scully have done that you wouldn't have thought that she did. At least, it's not like Never Again, but I don't think she slept with him.

I think the people who wrote Never Again also wrote Final Destination, which is a good movie.

I was kind of curious about how Scully left, and then I saw Brand X. If Scully just after they had sex then Mulder would be mad and hurt, but he showed no hard feelings or whatever. Wouldn't it show if he was upset about it, especially since they slept together? But, he didn't. He couldn't hide something about that. Plus, they were openly flirting in Brand X. Say if Mulder dealt with what happened, he wouldn't act like that. He would be mad, instead of flirting back. They could've talked, but I think they might have talked about what was going to happen after they slept together.

Also, the sentence about Mulder and Scully kissing before catching the bad guy is something Gillian Anderson said. I found it hilarious because of how she said and explained it.


End file.
